Sunday, March 2

Overwhelmed and Underqualified

***Warning*** The following post is a rambling trip into my fragile and insecure psyche. It may be more than you want to know about me. If you're looking for something a little less serious I do highly recommend viewing the next post down- The Hawaiian Chair- it's hysterical! Consider yourselves warned...

Last Sunday I got a call from the executive secretary about meeting with a member of the bishopric. I knew that couldn't be good. I had just spoken that day so I knew it wasn't about speaking. That can only mean one thing...... a new calling. I've been the Laurel advisor for about 2 1/2 years so it wasn't really shocking to me that I would be getting a new calling. I was petrified as to what it might be. I knew that they need help in the nursery so I was pretty sure that was where I was headed. Ugh! Anyway I went to my meeting on Tuesday fully expecting to be called to nursery. I had decided that I wouldn't tell him no, no matter how badly I wanted to. I was not prepared for what he said. I've been called to be the 2nd counselor in the Primary Presidency! Excuse me, WHAT!?!?!?! I actually laughed at him, I'm not sure he appreciated that. Of course I told him that I would do whatever they needed me to do. My Patriarchal Blessing specifically tells me to never refuse a calling so I don't.

I'm still in shock about it. I don't really think I can do this for the following reasons-

1. I have no experience!! I've served in Young Women, Relief Society, Sunday School, Activities and I've even had made up singles ward callings but I haven't served in the Primary since I was 18. Right out of Young Women I was called to teach the Sunbeams and that was a complete disaster. They were hellions and made me cry every week. That is the only experience I've had in Primary. How on earth can I contribute to a presidency with no experience? I'm not familiar with the programs, the songs, the lessons- nothing!!

2. The 2nd Counselor is over the scouts. That actually makes me laugh. I have no clue what to do with a boy scout! I think I kind of know what a merit badge is and I know they tie knots. Once again- no experience!!! I'm going to be a fish out of water.

3. This is the big one. This is the one that explores my insecurities so you can stop reading now if you don't want to take that leap. I really struggle with being single and not having children. I would give up just about anything to be married and have a family. I teeter on a very narrow ledge of sanity when it comes to kids. I love my nieces and nephews with all of my heart. They are so wonderful. But there are times that I simply can not be around them. I can't take the heartache. I have to hide in my apartment and try and convince myself that I'm ok and that I'm not a failure. It is one of my biggest challenges in this life. The thought of surrounding myself with other peoples children every Sunday is just about more than I can handle. To make matters worse, while trying to be comforting my someone said to me "Maybe you're one of those women that is here to teach other peoples children." Gah! That is not helpful!!! I don't know how I am going to do it.

We're always supposed to learn something from our callings, right? I'm going to hope I learn my lesson quickly so this calling won't last that long. Wish me luck!!

6 comments:

Bonnie the Boss said...

Amy, First & foremost you are a wondreful person and will do a great job. (even if you don't know how.) You have to know that the Lord will help you because he loves you. I can imagine how difficult this is for you. Not because I experience your feelings for myself but because I know you. You have so much to share with those kids. They will love you. There will be weeks when you will just come home and collapse in exaustion. It will also give you some really funny things to put on your blog. I will be here to help you with anything. Especially scouts. Love ya, Bonnie

Inspired Kathy said...

AmyO you are wonderful. You can do this calling! Scouts are a challenge! Good luck!

Carrie said...

Your "someone" should be shot, or tied up in a room with hungry badgers until they learn not to be ignorant and take back all of the stupid "LDS verbal band aids" they've ever thought or said. Seriously. You're a very gracious girl because I would have thrown out a snotty comment like, "maybe you're one of those women that is here to make the rest of us miserable". I'm riled up for you.

Want to know how I handle kids and the primary? I focus on the urine/paste smell that congregations of children seem to produce. That probably won't help you in your calling, but what will help is knowing that no matter how horrible and unruly the little buggers might become: when the time is up, you get to go home :D And scouts is cool, there are like a bajillion merit badges, surely one of them is cake decorating...go for the gold and focus on the badges no one gets, like macramé, ha,ha,ha.

Rae said...

Sorry Amyo I am just now catching up on the older posts. This is awesome. Not to sound like a cliche, but I am sure you will be great.
It is hard to be single is such a family oriented church. I love the primary, as a matter of fact, I often wish to attend the family wards just so I can have the primary kids around. I think I survive it by realizing that while I get to enjoy all the sweetness and good stuff, I also get to send them back to their parents when I don't want to deal with them. That might not help much, but really when the 8 year old boys are tying each other up and setting things on fire it will be a relief to send them home! Lol! Good luck and congrats.

Cassidy Mae said...

Hey this is Cassidy_Mae from TMs.... I just wanted to check out your page and your post made me so sad.... I don't know you yet (I'll meet you tomorrow morning officially!!) but from your posts, I think you sound like the sweetest, most creative, awesome people I've had the pleasure to meet. I'm sure you'll do amazing in your calling..... I don't know if this helps at all but I really think these things...

Britten said...

LOL! I love your friend carrie above. She rocks! My sentiments exactly too...

But I digress, you, my friend, are a jewel. Our TM group is filled with such special, amazing women and you are one! I can't wait to laugh and talk with you in Forks!

And let's make a toast to fugly callings passing quickly ;)